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03232023 Dear Diary,

Interesting date we have today. Wonder if those numbers mean something. For the past two days, I haven’t done anything. Yesterday, I sat around scrolling TikTok, watching tv, and drinking wine. I also talked on the phone with my sisters and my friends. I didn’t work. I didn’t clean. I am trying to allow myself grace. To allow myself a chance to rest. To take leisure after a long week, I deserve that. Right? I tell myself to stay focused. To chase my dreams every waking minute, to chase them even while I sleep. Yesterday, I didn’t. Then last night I woke up around midnight. I scrolled my social medias until around four in the morning. I woke again by eight in the morning and today, I watched tv talked on the phone to my sisters, mom, and daughter then I took a nap. Upon waking I went to my dentist appointment; my braces are tight now, they kind of hurt but I’m tough. Then I took myself to dinner at a nice restaurant cause why not. I deserve that right? I took the recommendation from the bartender on what to eat and had the most delicious meal. I don’t regret the past two days, heck I don’t regret my life. None of it. Some parts I’m not so proud of but I didn’t deny them, I could never be who I am right now in this moment without all of my life’s lessons. I need to find a better balance between work, writing, and networking. I also have to get disciplined in working out, my body needs exercise if I expect it to last until one hundred years. I don’t work out but I am going to change that. I need meditation too, that’s how you really make your dreams come true. One thing I have started doing since I moved into my new place, (Living alone for the first time ever) is say yes to my wants. All of them. Turns out I don’t want much. I bought new clothes, furniture, flights, and a cruise. Then tonight, I bought myself a wonderful meal at a very nice restaurant. It feels good to finally be able to give to myself. All my life I was a care giver, to my daughter, my sisters and brothers, my mom, then my husband and step children. All my life I prioritized these people over myself. I gave them so much often there was nothing left for me, and I went without. I didn’t complain though, I just cried in closets, bathrooms, and garages silently. Then carried on giving and supporting. When I got home, I still had energy, so I cleaned up my apartment. With only me living here, it never really gets dirty but nonetheless yesterday’s mess had to go. Cleaning the whole apartment took less than an hour. Now I am going to read and then sleep. My alarm is set to wake me at four twenty in the morning. My dream of being Americas Next Great Author isn’t going to come to me, I’m going to have to get up and go get it.

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