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Writer's pictureantoinettewroteit

09072024

Dear Diary,

I am a slacker. I lack self discipline. I lack drive. I lack ambition. I say all of these things but I don't really believe it. I'm not a slacker, I work fifty hours a week on average running my own very successful business as a nanny. (With five children and two homes under my care, I feel the need to add.) I have self discipline, no one has to tell me to get up and handle my business. My clients do not have to ask me for anything as i have already taken care of everything. My own home stays in pristine shape. I show up for my friends and family when needed without being prompted to do so. I don't lack drive; do I? And what about ambition... What stops me from rising at the 4am hour that I have deemed is in my best interest? What stops me from exercising my body daily? I fully understand the importance exercise has on preserving the longevity of my body. So why don't I do it? It is as simple as twenty minutes a day, easy. So what stops me? And what about my writing. Why haven't I finished editing my novels? Why haven't I submitted queries? Why have I let so much time lapse since I wrote an entry into this very diary? At what point will I say enough is enough, and get the work done? Procrastination has me and I am not sure how to break out of these old habits to create the new ones necessary for the next level of my life.

One big problem I'm having is i really love my life. I love my career and my children. I have traveled someplace every month this year and have several more trips already booked. I have friends who I love and who support me. My relationship with my daughter is great. Life really is good. But that makes me complacent. That has me sitting here enjoying life instead of running and chasing after a better life... So what do I do? Is it so bad that I am here loving my current life? Or should I be out there chasing down my next life? Am i lacking self discipline? Ambition? Drive? Am I a slacker? I wish I had more answers then questions...

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